[spoken]
And three, four



Intro:   F  C7  F  C7  F  

         Bb  F  C7  F  Bb  F  nc  [*b^c]


F                              C7
Lonely, unmarried, looking for love

                    F
Life was passing me by

                                     C7 
So, I sent off my photo, hobbies and age

                        F
Magazine marriage, I'll try

             Bb                F
They say for centuries, lovely Japanese girls

          C7                    F    
Have been trained in the art of pleasing men

   Bb                   F 
Be lonely no more, open Destiny's door

nc                                       [*b^c]
For one dollar, they arrange a meeting  


   F                              C7
My image was wrong, I didn't like me

                         F
So I changed my personality

                              C7
I bought a deluxe Mersey Beat wig

                      F
But it was a size too big

     Bb               F 
What confidence in my new built up shoes

   C7                  F
So smart for winter or summer

    Bb                 F 
Undetectable in normal every day use

nc                                 [**]  F 
Look out, there's a monster coming


F                            C7
Bye-bye binoculars, and Macintosh

                          F
Everything is just great

                                 C7
I take elocution, learn to speak posh

                               F   
But still I can't find a mate

   Bb                F 
Be popular, learn to play the guitar

   C7                 F
In 7 days, you can be strumming

   Bb              F
Be sociable, learn kissing technique

nc                                    [**]
Look out, there's a monster coming




Instr:  F  C7  F  C7  F

        Bb  F  C7  F  Bb  F  nc  [*b^c]



       F                             C7
For my Carnaby clothes, I reshape my nose

                  F
Plastic surgery's best

                                         C7
To cut down my weight, off comes my left leg

                              F
I passed the swimming costume test

       Bb                             F
Are my sideboards too long?  Don't my aftershave pong?

  C7                     F
I know my new nose ain't running

       Bb                              F
What's wrong with my tie, am I getting too high?

nc                                       [*b^c]
Look out, there's a monster coming


F                                  C7
Disfiguring, ugly, my facial hair

                         F
I had removed, electrically

                        C7
I rejuvenated my energy cells

                      F
And regained my virility, grunt grunt

          Bb                   F
He put my hand on my heart, ?I changily part?

   C7                  F
He had a machine for a Mummy

          Bb                        F
Please be gentle with me, I come to pieces, literally

nc                                    [*b^c]
Look out, there's a monster coming

nc                                    [*b^c]
Look out, there's a monster coming

nc                                    [*b^c]
Look out, there's a monster coming

nc                                    [*b^c]
Look out, there's a monster coming

nc                                    [*b^c]
Look out, there's a monster coming

nc                                    [*b^c]
Look out, there's a monster coming

nc                                    [*b^c]
Look out, there's a monster coming

nc                                    [*b^c]
Look out, there's a monster coming

nc                                    [*b^c]
Look out, there's a monster coming


[fade]





NB:
*[b^c] indicates a deliberately awkward-sounding 
string bend, from a 'B' note to almost a 'C' note 
(done by fingering the 7th fret of the high E 
string, and bending it up almost a complete semi-tone).

**The short musical interlude, (the 'Bach Bit'!), 
indicated by [**] is as follows:

'Bach Bit' (Tab):

E----------------------------------
B----------------------------------
G----5--3--5---3--1--0-------------
D-----------------------3--2--3----
A----------------------------------
E----------------------------------


***'nc' indicates no chord is to be played.